The Diary Of Kaho to Nikolai
by Arialle
Summary: After an extended affair with an old classmate she thought it would end in love, but he broke her heart. The only explanation he left her was a diary, the diary of Kaho to Nikolai. Based on a novel. ET
1. The Opposite of Hello

**The Diary of Kaho to Nikolai  
  
Disclaimer: no I do not own Card Captor Sakura or any of its characters, too bad though.  
  
**

**The opposite of Hello**

Twenty-five year old Tomoyo Daidouji sighed as she slumped into her bathtub, sinfully full of aromatic water and colored bubbles. It was 6:37 PM and she had about an hour before Eriol would pick her up. After years of searching, Tomoyo finally found that "someone" she had always dreamt of. It may have sounded silly to still believe in a little girl's dream, but that was what made Tomoyo Daidouji special, at least that was what Eriol said. Tonight was a special night, it was the night of their 2-year anniversary together, and Tomoyo knew that he was going to do something special. She could just feel it, and when he did do that special something, she already knew what to say. But there was also something wrong, it was her intuition telling her that Eriol had something he needed to tell her before they could live happily ever after, like in her dreams...with that Tomoyo went back to day dreaming.

8 8 8 8 8 8 8

A cool night breeze tickled her dark tresses as she stood outside, in her lanai sipping a flute of red wine with a blue-eyed man. The faraway sounds of busy roads were the only reminder of the couple being anywhere near civilization. Tomoyo's upscale apartment was deceptively peaceful and lush, full of exotic night flowers and ferns. The peaceful tinkling of water also had a place in Tomoyo's spacious garden. Sakura and other close friends had laughingly teased Tomoyo's strange fixation on her garden many times. Tomoyo usually replies smilingly that this was one reason she still preserved her sanity or would also laugh at them back by replying that they "suffered" through her garden parties and weren't complaining of her hosting abilities. A smile played around her features as she thought of all the impromptu parties held here with those dearest to her.

The dinner came and went smoothly enough, it was like a ritual now to have dinner and then come to Tomoyo's apartment to relax and enjoy the night. The evenings were usually filled with confidences or silences depending on their mood.  
As Tomoyo bent down to inhale a fragrant night blossom Eriol reached out and touched her shoulder. The touch went through her like fire, but she was used to such touches and did not show how much he affected her. After two years of close intimacy, Tomoyo was hardly immune to the charms Eriol possessed. Eriol had changed from the silent boy she once knew in elementary school. He was still lithe but with the slender athletic grace of a fighter. The years had matured Eriol's once impish features into the rough beauty and had given him time to come to terms with the intertwining of his soul with the soul of the powerful magician Clow Reed. And deepened the blue of his eyes, perhaps a sign of the deepening of Eriol's soul, Tomoyo mused while she waited for Eriol to perhaps comment on the beauty of the night or tell her that _something_ that she was expecting.

"Tomoyo," Eriol broke the pleasant silence, hesitantly, as if not wanting to shatter their peace, fearing what may come next.  
  
"You know that we've been together for a while now, so I've been wondering if you would..." He broke off as though he was embroiled in a silent battle within himself. Exceedingly curious.  
  
"Yes?" Tomoyo asked puzzled because this was not the usually decisive person she knew. Eriol was a warm, teasing man, much different from the impassive boy that was once him. Something had changed him during his disappearance from his friends, before his relationship with the raven haired lady. But Tomoyo, blind in her love for him did not notice. She was only glad that he was here with her now, Tomoyo feared of what she may discover in the hidden recesses of Eriol's past.  
  
"Would you...would you..." He stuttered, his face stricken as he tried to control the shattering feelings that trapped his soul.  
  
"Would I, could I, what love?" Tomoyo asked teasingly and somewhat bemusedly, this might only be some silly trick that Eriol had up his sleeve, he was after all, known as a superb actor. It was likely that Eriol was in one of his more amiable moods this evening.  
  
The word "Love" was the final straw for Eriol; he seemed surprised and Tomoyo only had a chance to take a fleeting look at the agony that eschewed the azure-eyed man before he fled her lanai and slammed her apartment door. So I'm left again, the sable-haired girl thought numbly before collapsing on an overstuffed chair.

It's still shorter then I planned to write but it is better then the first. Please review and give me your thoughts on this more detailed chapter.

-Aria


	2. Thank You

** The Diary of Kaho to Nikolai  
  
Disclaimer: Nope, still don't, probably never will.  
  
Thank You**  
  
It's been three weeks since that fateful evening in her balcony. A sable haired lady paced to a fro in her living room as she waited for Sakura to tell her wether it was positive or negative. How could she have been so careless? She should not have let him do that to her. Oh why was she like her dreams? Naïve and childish? But before she could disparage herself any more Sakura stepped out of the bathroom looking very defeated.  
  
It was then that Tomoyo knew that it was positive and she would never have the same life again. No more clubbing, no more partying or working too hard. This just wasn't fair.  
"I'm pregnant aren't I?" It was more of a statement then a question but Sakura nodded and then babbled on about how she, Syaoran and everyone else would be there to support her all the way. And that they cared and loved her and always would. Tomoyo, in all appearance seemed to be listening, she smiled and hugged at all the right places and she even cried in the end when Sakura declared that they would be here for her whenever she need them. But Tomoyo had stopped listening to Sakura a while ago, she was gratified she had true friends, but she couldn't stop the flow of memories.  
  
** 8888888  
**  
_ "Hello there Miss? Miss? Hello?" He waved his right hand in front of her face.  
  
"Yes?" She said dreamily. She had still been day dreaming when she got up from her table in the cozy little café she spent her lunch breaks in.  
  
"You dropped you brief case." So saying, he handed her her brief case.  
  
"Oh..." The lure of her dreams was fading. As she reached out for the bag, their hands briefly met. The tingle she felt was strange. She never experienced this tingle with other men. It was then that she knew she had met her destiny in the smiling indigo eyed man, who seemed slightly familiar.  
  
"Thank You Hiirigizawa-kun."_

Aria's notes:

Wowee 2 chapters in one day! hehe review and I update.


	3. Simple and Confused

** Kaho's Diary to Nikolai  
  
Disclaimer: Why would I be doing this fiction if I owned CCS? The lucky ladies of Clamp still do.   
  
Simple and Confused**  
  
The last few weeks had been hectic. Explaining to the Daidouji Matriarch that you were pregnant out of wedlock, even if she is your mother, was not a pleasant task. Okaa-san wanted to sic her bodyguards at Eriol-san but I would not let her, he was a good man. Mother and I spent endless hours wondering why my boy friend just left me. But we were still at a loss, and it just made okaa-san's face go all hard whenever I mentioned his name. At this point Tomoyo sighed. At least her reaction was minor compared to Touya-san's. We had to hold him back from going on a manhunt and Li-kun wasn't helping either. He actually aided and abetted Touya-san! Which in itself was a wonder, no one ever thought that the two would actually get along. Well pigs do fly and idiots do get along, Tomoyo thought wryly.  


Knocking on her door interrupted her thoughts. She always had a sixth sense when he was around. Tomoyo always knew when he was anywhere near her vicinity. But those skills didn't comfort her one bit as she stood up from the couch and walked to the doorway.  


Why would he come back? Tomoyo thought dully as she walked to the doorway. He wanted out and he got out. It's dumb to come back. It's dumb. She thought angrily. Tomoyo wanted to see him. But she didn't know why.  


Her emotions were a miasma of anger and confusion as she hesitated to open her door. I could just pretend I'm not at home or in the shower or anything she thought desperately. The ivory skinned lass sighed and gradually opened the door.  


Tomoyo's first thoughts as she quickly darted a glance at the man in front of her was that he was not the man that she had grown to love. He looked dejected and unkempt; it broke her heart to see him so miserable.  


Instead of apologizing or doing a million other things that she expected him to do, he surprised her. He simply handed her a book, a diary she noted through her shock. Then he walked away.  
  
Aria's notes:  
I think I leave you a bit confused. What's up with Tomoyo and Eriol? Well if you read really, really carefully it says they're boy friend and girl friend. What brought them together you say? That question will be revealed in further chapters. Betwixt and between the chapters of Kaho's diary you will also read Tomoyo and Eriol's history, past and possibly their future, together or apart. I'm sorry if I write really short stories, I'm just very concise about what I want to write I guess. A big mahalo to Aralana for encouraging me and asking questions, it shows you're curious This chappy was dedicated to you! 


	4. Bubbles

**Kaho's Diary to Nikolai  
  
Disclaimer: Nope I don't own it.  
  
Bubbles  
  
Dedicated to Yunali who inspired me to write even more, btw, you're a great writer too!  
**  
Tomoyo was so surprised when Eriol just walked away without saying a word. Why would he do something so enigmatic? She mused as she walked toward her bathroom, the morning sickness hadn't started yet so Tomoyo was determined to enjoy her freedom as long as it lasted.  
  
"Kaho's diary to Nikolai: she read slowly, now ensconced in her bathtub, letting the hot water relax her tensed muscles, Tomoyo always thought that baths were very therapeutic, so she took baths whenever she was distressed or needed to be calmed down. Kaho...Mizuki...Kaho Mizuki, that name...it seemed very familiar. After a moment or so of contemplation she finally remembered who she was.  
  
Kaho Mizuki was their elementary school math teacher. She was always kind, incredibly appealing, with her red gold hair, lightly freckled creamy skin and her full body. She was sweet albeit mysterious. Tomoyo then sadly remembered that Eriol was crazy for her. Well as far as anyone could tell because he really didn't show emotions other then unholy glee in teasing Li-kun into new undiscovered shades of crimson. That thought made her smile, but Kaho Mizuki and Eriol Hiirigizawa were very enigmatic. Those made her want to read the book even more. Who was Nikolai? What was Nikolai's relationship with Kaho? And why did Eriol have Kaho's diary. These questions spun around her head as she tried to make sense of what had happened.  
  
Aria's Notes:  
  
Phwee! I hope I answered some of your questions about this fic! But I hopefully didn't let all the answers out of the bag! Anywhoo review and I'll update, much mahalo to all my reviewers. And sorry for writing such a short story. Gomen 


	5. Kaho's Diary Part One

**Kaho's Diary to Nikolai**

**Disclaimer: Me no own, You no sue. Kay?**

Aria: Tomoyo finally gets the guts to open Kaho's diary! Wooh lets see what she finds out!

**Kaho's Diary Part One**

_My dear child,_

_I know you must be wondering why your mommy write to you even before you were born, but I wanted you to know our story, that's me and your father, Eriol's story. You see, when your father was a child he never got to know his parents. He wasn't as lucky as you will be because he didn't have a mother and father to love and scold him. He was born a child by Clow Reed, a sorcerer and his creator. He never got to experience having a family and being a child. Which is very sad, I could never imagine what life would be like with out my mother and father. But could you imagine, not knowing how your mommy looked like, or how daddy proposed to mommy? It would be horrible. I don't ever want you to forget how your father and I looked like or our story, which will soon become your story in a few months time. I hear your father playing his piano again. It was odd that a piano was what brought us back together. _

_You see, I was a teacher in Japan before I met your father, but then I got sick. I had a heart attack from all the stress of being a teacher and priestess of my family shrine. As I lay there on the hospital bed, my doctor whom I had gotten to really know during my prolonged stay at the hospital scolded me and told me that I should take a break to regain my health. If I went back to my hectic hurly burly way of life I would soon have another heart attack and...well you know...She advised me to go to somewhere peaceful and take it easy for a while. So I did._

_Dropping out of your life in a small town in Japan isn't easy, you had to say goodbye to everyone you ever knew which is heart breaking. You also had to say goodbye to beautiful Japan itself. But somehow I managed to say farewell and pack all my things and take a plane to get to my girl friend's house in the English countryside._

_As I drove through the countryside, looking for the little blue and green cottage she lived in I spotted a quaint little bungalow with an equally quaint and old fashioned sigh that said "To Let." I instantly fell in love with the antiquated house. So I bought it with my savings right on the spot, and called my friend from my neighbor's telephone and told her of my providential discovery. I also got to know my neighbor, a sweet old lady who was fond of her garden and her "soul son" Eriol, who really wasn't her son at all as I waited for my keys to the house from the former owner. I wondered who this Eriol was and how he caught the affections of one of the sweetest old ladies I came to be acquainted with. I learned from my neighbor that he came over every Saturday evening to tea and would help do odd jobs at her home, Everlee. _

_I hear your father calling me; I best stop writing for tonight. I'll write more tomorrow evening, but till then don't forget that mother and father love you even now, when you're not yet even born._

_-Kaho_

Aria again: well I know this is making all ET fans sick to their tummies me too, but I promise there will be retribution in later chapters. Don't kill me! Of course it's still ET! And ermm Kaho's writing this because she doesn't want her child whenever she gives it, to forget their story! Isn't that sweet? XD I think she's already pregnant with the baby while she's writing this. So..review and I'll make it ET.


	6. Obsession

** Kaho's Diary to Nikolai **

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this chapter OR in this fic, the lucky ladies of Clamp do.**

****** Obsession**

So...Tomoyo thought. She was still within in her luxurious bathtub, the scented bubbles nearly gone from the now cold water. But Tomoyo didn't mind, she was still too engrossed in her score of thoughts. Her nose was wrinkled in concentration as she pondered her new discoveries. So..Eriol was married. She thought bleakly. Or he could still be married. Tomoyo shook her head at that thought. But that idea was preposterous, he was an upright man, he wouldn't cheat on his wife or lie to me, but he would purposely exclude information from her, like Mizuki-sensei and their nuptials. Tomoyo was cursed and blessed to understand another person's standpoint, so she couldn't blame Eriol for falling in love with Mizuki-sensei, she seemed so sweet. A young bride hoping that her wishes for having a family would come true. Despite the disturbing thought of Eriol in another woman's arms she couldn't bring herself to hate Kaho. She seemed so kind and full of joie de vie that Tomoyo found it very hard to dislike her.

Tomoyo knew deep down inside of her that there was another woman constantly in Eriol's mind. Sometimes, late at night, she would hear him call out Kaho's name in anguish and misery. Trying to call her back to him. It was at those times that Tomoyo felt white-hot jealousy burn inside her. She felt so alone, even in their shared king sized bed she felt cold and alone as she heard Eriol call for someone else. Not her. Tomoyo could not bring herself to wake him up, perhaps she thought that he would eventually stop calling for Kaho and look for her instead. Perhaps she thought that he would finally wake up and smile at her, then caress her cheek and reassure her that everything was all right. Then he would hold her to him as if letting her go would be the end of his salvation.

She wanted so much to hate Mizuki-sensei, but she couldn't. It was real love if someone like Eriol, who was so serene and nearly impassive, would search for her even after their relationship ended and while he was in another's arms. But why couldn't she just throw the bloody book down the toilet and forget about her lurid break-up with Eriol? Tomoyo's brain asked angrily. She was obsessed with Kaho-sensei's relationship and she knew it.

**A really long note:**

Please don't kill me! I promise in the ending that there will be some ET! And this fic'll make you sooo sad! Loudly blows nose Now why did I make Tomoyo obsessed with Kaho? Elementary my dear readers! I'm not the type of person to bash characters, even though I don't like EK (so what if they're canonized by clamp! I like ET best!) The second reason is that it makes the fic kind of interesting and different if Tomoyo is obsessed of Kaho-sensei. I call it irony, that the person she's supposed to hate the most is the person she's most curious about. And I also prefer to think that Tomoyo needs to read the diary for some emotional healing, or she just wants to inflict more harm on herself. Whatever you wish to think. Well if you've read my author's notes congratulations! You have a very good attention span! Now be a good reader and review. Also a big thanks to all my reviewers, Ree, Daniela, Yunali and my sister (she keeps changing her name!) you all rock my socks!


	7. Kaho's Diary Part Two

**Kaho's diary **

**Disclaimer: I have never owned and prolly never will own Card Captor Sakura or any of its characters.**

My dear child,

Let me start from where I left off. I had already lived three years in the English country side. It was a surprise to see my name "Kaho Mizuki, County teacher" in brass on my class room door. Teaching was never as fun as with my English students. There was charm in even cleaning the chalk board. I also spent Sunday dinner at Everlee. Life went on its peaceful way.

But one day, my class received tickets to preview a concert by one of the local nobles. Walking through Reed Manor to get to the music hall was awe striking in and of itself but to hear the Master of the estate play was a wonder. Slender skillful hands danced across the keys in a haunting melody of lost love and bitter heart ache. I enjoyed the music so much that I hardly noticed who the pianist was. But then I made the mistake of looking up.

Cool blue eyes gazed at me curiously as the song ended and my students filtered out of the dusty music hall. It was then that I knew that I fell, really hard for those imperturbable blue eyes. But then a million other things ran through my mind, what will happen if he knows that I'm a prophetess? How will he deal with our huge age gaps?

Then I sensed his magical aura, which stunned me for a moment. Then my instincts came into play telling me that this man may be a threat. I had to know. So I followed this strange man until we were alone backstage. I tapped his shoulder and demand to know who he was.

He smiled inexplicably and said "Hiirigizawa Eriol, at your service" It was then that I knew that I would spend a lifetime fighting and laughing with him.

The courtship was quite short and sweet. We got married behind Everlee with the people that we loved on a clear autumn morning. The wind blew placidly over my heated skin. I wore a simple green sundress and your father a silk shirt and trousers. Smiling across the aisle at him I knew I would grow old with this man that dared defy the laws of convention and still had the gall to tease me.

-Kaho

Aria's notes:

Yea, yea I know this chaps a barf fest but please, I put this fic under drama for something! And don't worry more ET will come, but these Kaho chaps are essential to my story. So review if you ever wanna see an ET moment!


	8. I Just Borrowed Him

**Kaho's Diary to Nikolai**

****

**I Just Borrowed Him**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Card Captor Sakura**

The quiet landscapes of the town of Tomoeda blurred past as a discrete black jaguar sped through road and highway. The sullen morning was promising a sunny afternoon Tomoyo thought idly as she paused from pursuing the diary.

"Tomoyo-chan! Stop reading, we're nearly at your doctor's clinic" Sakura scolded from the driver's seat. Tomoyo didn't really trust Sakura's driving skills but she couldn't help but fall into the diary's spell and read the life story of Kaho and ignore Sakura's precarious driving. She decided to humor Sakura and finished reading the last few lines of the diary.

"Tomoyo-san what happened?" asked a concerned Meiling, who as it turned out was her doctor. Which made perfect sense, Meiling-san was kind and loyal albeit a little stubborn in her views. Tomoyo did wonder why Syaoran-kun out himself forward by recommending a doctor. She did try to suppress a chuckle at the thought of Syaoran's face as he stuttered out the few embarrassed sentences, she truly did.

"I suppose I was so in love that I just let go." Tomoyo replied with a bitter smile. There were no secrets between Tomoyo, Sakura, and Meiling, after being thrown together by the winds of fate multiple times the girls gave up resisting the temptation to become friends. To their mutual surprise, they ended up being nearly so close to each other as to garner the name, the sisters by everyone in their college.

"Aw...Tomoyo-san!" Meiling, always a generous friend and kind doctor hugged her, assuring her (though she really didn't need the assuring) that her baby would be beautiful and talented to boot. No thanks to the idiot that left her.

"No" Tomoyo contradicted, "He was a good man. I was...just borrowing him for a while." Meiling just shook her head at Tomoyo's fancy rationalisms, fine, she can think whatever she wants to come to terms with the break-up and pregnancy. _She_ wasn't going to disagree with her when she was this touchy. She wanted to cheer Tomoyo up and Meiling did notice that her friend was surprised that she ended up as her doctor. So she opted to change the topic.

"Do you wonder why I became a doctor deary?" Meiling asked wryly

"Yes, sometimes I did wonder why you were so bushed when I and Sakura asked you to party." Tomoyo replied dryly Meiling laughed at her humor and secretly exalted at helping Tomoyo momentarily forget her depression.

"_And_ I did wonder why you became a doctor for pregnant ladies and you somehow ended in practicing here in Tomoeda when there's a lot more of a chance at prospering in China or Tokyo." Tomoyo added suspiciously.

"Oh well, this and that." Meiling answered uneasily. Tomoyo was coming dangerously close to the truth. Damn she was too perceptive.

"Really." Tomoyo stated archly. With enough pressing Tomoyo knew that Meiling would eventually crack and tell her real motives. If that didn't work she would pout until she found out. After a few minutes more of resistance from Meiling Tomoyo got her answer.

"Okay, okay, the elder's have told me to, no, well, practically ordered me to practice here in Tomoeda." Meiling then grumbled at the gall of the elders to order a grown woman and doctor around. And how unfair it was the Syaoran got nearly unrestricted freedom.

Hmmmm...Tomoyo thought thoughtfully as Sakura picked her up in the lobby of Meiling's clinic. The promise of the morning was fulfilled as rays of sun hit her face and nearly burned her pale skin before she had time to put on a hat.

Speeding through the quiet town of Tomoeda in the passenger seat of Sakura's car, Tomoyo finally figured out the reason why Meiling was ordered to practice here. It became fairly obvious why when she added up the strange recommendation for a doctor and Sakura's absence when he recommended it, with Meiling practicing here. Ohoho! Yelan and the elder's are just waiting for the grandchildren to drop from the affianced Sakura and Syaoran. That means that the mulish Li elders have finally got it through their heads that Syaoran won't give up Sakura and _they_ don't want to lose such a good potential clan leader just because of a plebian marriage. The only consolation that the elders had been that Sakura was a powerful sorceress and the heiress to their roguish ancestor, Clow Reed. Tomoyo secretly cheered for her friend's good luck. But then desolately thought about how her family would cope with the news when she gave it to them. Life seemed soo fun these days.

**Aria's notes:**

-blinks- did _I_ write that?! No I couldn't have...its a little too long and somewhat amusing! Aria doesn't have a sense of humor and patience to write a longer piece of fiction. lol but I did! Yay! I wrote a chapter longer then before! If you want more of these though you're going to have to review. Oh and why I added Meiling in as a doctor? For balance and humor of course. I hate inventing new characters and I always thought that Meiling would be a good doctor. Hehe and I probably will write about S&S and their situation eventually...I just have to finish this ficcy! Oh and I have to be periodically reminded through some -coughs- reviews -cough cough.- Also a big mahalo for Ja for reviewing, you're my first reviewer since I restarted writing. I feel so loved! XD


End file.
